So on Saturday, having just posted a blog full of wise intent – I self quote: ‘Break all communication with men, rely on them for nothing’, I met up with a guy friend and he gave me some alternate wisdom. Apparently when you find yourself (for example) in a ridiculously futile text messaging scenario with a guy and want to swear off all men for life, you should, in fact go the opposite way and embrace the world of Dating–for–Dating’s sake. I needed to give myself dating fatigue – nothing better for clarity.
I had, up to this point always wholly rejected this approach. What is the point of spending an awkward evening with someone you can’t imagine ever having anything interested to talk about with or ever wanting to kiss. I like to think that this in-built aversion stems from my Europeanly romantic sensibilities. It is certainly not a commonly shared value here in New York. Here dates are not about the person, they are very much about the date. Where did he take you? What did you wear?
But my friend had started to make sense, if I made a point of saying yes to everyone who wanted to take me on a date, I would either very soon be so sick of it all and not want to be with anyone or I would have met someone great. Either way, ridiculously futile texting scenarios would be avoided.
So we shook on it over an Original Sin Cider in Soho. I would go on at least one date a week for four weeks, after which I would surely be cured. I was excited. I would date all types – the guy who ‘loaned’ me his YSL scarf to keep me warm, the guy who whipped Gwen Stefani into shape after she gave birth, the dull French guy, the ad exec turned artist guy, the top chef guy – all the guys I’d sidestepped before. What had I been thinking? If I’d started this experiment in January I could’ve been fatigued by now and ready to focus on the important things in life.
Anyway, carpe diem etc so out I went that night subconsciously ready to line up Date 1 with the first toad to show interest. I felt a bit more relaxed about it all as my guy friend had also told me that, just because they buy you a drink or dinner, it doesn’t mean you have to see them again or even kiss them. How had I missed these critical details before? In my new super nonchalant state, the thing that I’d been waiting to happen all along happened…
I met someone I literally had too many interesting things to talk to about and someone I could definitely imagine kissing. My first thought was: Crap! What about the other 3 dates?? I don’t want to waste them. But then I may not have to. Afterall, this is Manhattan and my Mr Interesting and Kissabale might be dabbling in a very similar experiment and on the lookout for his weekly quota.
Happily, something tells me this one might be taking a slightly longer term view. That something could’ve been that when he asked me if I was going to the Hamptons in the Summer, and I replied I didn’t have any plans to, he very swiftly mentioned that he has a timeshare in Montauk…
Quite frankly, I can’t think of anywhere better to be fatigued this New York Summer!